Fostering Agency and Autonomy
In this episode of "A Trauma-Informed Future," host Katie Kurtz dives into the crucial connection between choice and consent in trauma-informed care. She emphasizes the necessity of providing individuals with choices to consent to, to promote self-determination, autonomy, and agency. Katie shares examples of how to effectively incorporate choice into various contexts. She highlights the importance of clear expectations, adaptability, and accessibility in fostering a culture of consent. Tune in to explore the profound implications of integrating choice and consent into every aspect of our lives, and how it contributes to co-creating a trauma-informed future for all.
Resources & References:
Reference on types of power: Making Change Happen (2006)
Show Transcript:
Katie Kurtz (she/her): Hi everyone, and welcome back to A Trauma Informed Future Podcast. I'm your host. Katie Kurtz. Welcome. Just love this podcast. I hope you do too. I hope you find it. Supportive, and then it resonates. And that either helps affirm some of the things we're already doing. It helps open you up to some new ways of doing things and everything in between. And again, just helps us feel like we're not alone in this work. And honors our humanity all throughout the process. So in this season, there has been some common themes of talking about language and consent.
And in my last solo episode, I talked a lot about consent and breaking it down because I think it's really helpful to really make this practice doable for us so that we actually apply it so we can actually feel the impact of it. So again, if you are just tuning in that is episode 26, where I go over, like, what is consent?
What are the different types of consent? What does it need to [00:01:00] include for us to infuse consent again, not just within the language you use, but through everything we do. So episode 26 is a good one to go back to
So today I wanted to talk about choice. Because we can't practice consent. We can't give consent. If we don't have a choice to be able to consent to and choice and consent, go hand in hand. When we're looking at trauma-informed care, we're looking at ways to increase access to autonomy agency for people to practice what we call self-determination. Self-determination is a process a person takes to apply their own autonomy, which is also can be thought of as freedom and agency, which can be thought of as control in their own lives. And when we're able to give people choices to consent to they're able to practice self-determination which increases access to their autonomy and agency.
And like I mentioned, in episode 26, is that. Trauma takes away our ability to choose no one [00:02:00] chooses trauma. It's our bodies brilliantly doing what they're meant to do to keep us safe and to survive.
So trauma informed care utilizes that understanding. And then informs how we show up to create relationships, to communicate, to engage with. To do all the things we do in a way that helps people reconnect back to themselves through choice, and consent. So today I want to talk a little bit about choice.
We did start with consent because it's always helpful to understand what that really means. But we can't have consent without choice. So let's talk a little bit about that today and how the two go hand in hand and how we can start to really apply that in everyday life. And I always like to give examples and kind of break it down so that we can look at. These things and apply them.
They're just not things we like know they exist, but like how do they actually exist in real life? And the reality is when we're able to provide access to choice for people to [00:03:00] consent to, or them promoting co-creation and collaboration is a way for us to power share in relationships rather than, you know, whenever we're in any type of relationship, power dynamics are going to be a play.
It's just part of how certain relationships, if they're professional are going to play out, but we have a choice in how we share power in the relationships we have. Are we using that power to power over people? And when we do that extracts and constricts the space where choice and consent cannot exist.
And it's not collaborative. It's very authoritative it's over. It's domineering. When we're able to power with people, we're sharing power and that there's a way to promote reciprocity mutuality and collaboration where there is choice and consent available. And that's really what we want to be doing is allowing people to collaborate saying, I don't know, what's best for you.
I'm not going to be an expert in yourself. I trust, you know, what's best for you and I'm going to allow for you to choose what's best for you in this [00:04:00] space. And again, that's I think sometimes people swing to those extremes hearts, like over coddling or all a free for all. Everyone can do whatever they want. And now again, if you're swinging to those extremes, I encourage you to come back to neutral. Again, we may not have choice.
We may be in a position of power that has to use that authority in a way, but we can still do so in a way that is honoring the humanity of others that is allowing for transparency and predictability and communications that is respectful and is compassionate forward. So just coming back to a neutral, it doesn't mean like this all or nothing thinking is very binary thinking. And that is that kind of thinking constricts our ability for nuance to exist. Okay.
So we talked about self-determination this process that means we're able to choose what's best for us. Now let's name, how hard [00:05:00] self-determination can be when we're witnessing people, especially people we love. Make choices for themselves that we may not agree with, or we know may not be best for them.
And this has been such a central focus of being a social worker over the last 15 years self-determination is such a core component of social work practice, and learning how to sit with the discomfort. And not jump to conclusions or assumptions or want to fix or solve, or, you know, tell people what they need to do, but rather hold back provide people with compassionate care and communications. I give them all the information they need to make an informed choice. Practice boundaries in all its ways and allow people to choose what's best for them. And if that choice is not something I agree with, it could even be, and I've seen it in my social work practice. It could be illegal. It could be harmful to them. Or others, obviously, there are certain things ethically and [00:06:00] legally I had to do if I knew about that, but. For example, working in addiction and recovery, you see people who end up going back to their substance and it's not something we want for them, but we ultimately know that we can't make people do certain things.
And so allowing for that self-determination but doing so with compassionate consensual communications and boundaries especially are so key. So over the last 15 plus years in social work, I have really had to harness and hone in on my ability to allow for self-determination which has, I believe only strengthened my ability to lead trauma-informed care out loud. So self-determination is so key because again, although you're probably not applying this into those extreme situations like I was in social work. We're looking at self-determination every day. And also again for looking at self consent, we see that for ourselves. How many times have we made [00:07:00] decisions that we know probably aren't good for us, but we still do them. We're still have the freedom and control to make those decisions.
And we may regret them later or the next day. But it is what it is. So we can increase access for people to choose through options. It's pretty, straightforward. Right? This is what I talked about a little bit in episode 26, but I want to come back to, is that. Again, people here. Okay. "We should provide choice, allow people to choose and consent, to find what's best for them." And then we see people swing to those extremes that we need to have a million choices, and we have to have all the choices possible. And we're so worried. About causing harm that it becomes so overwhelming for us, the person offering those options that we end up burning out or stressing out or becomes unaligned for us. Offering choice and being trauma-informed needs to be feasible for you. So you need to first ensure that any option you plan to offer is feasible and doable and it's within your capacity, not just [00:08:00] yours, but the offering the program, the service, the team, the company, whatever it may be. Figure out what's doable for you. It could change how you do something now may change with the seasons.
It may change next week, a month, a year, whatever it may be. Check in pause. See what's doable and then offer those options. So we want access to choice, to be feasible for you, the person offering the choice, because if it's not, it may override your ability and your capacity to continue on within that relationship, that service, et cetera. The next thing we want to do is to make sure our choices or the options for choice are adaptable and they're paced. So again, you're going to notice a lot of themes here. What's the pace, the consistency. And are they very rigid? Are they very set? Are they very structured? Is there any wiggle room? Is there any way to offer modifications? And in what way [00:09:00] are they being delivered? What delivery pace are these options being provided?
You want to make sure it's manageable, not just for you, because that's really important. If again, It's not manageable or feasible for you none of these things are going to work. You also want it to be manageable and feasible for the people choosing. So if you have a. You know, a course or a training or something and an offering of some kind, how are you designing it?
How are you implementing it? How are you delivering it? How are you marketing it? How are you selling it in a way that is manageable and feasible. And within that, how are people able to show up and purchase it and engage in it in a way that's doable for them? So they have a choice because we're adults and we learn differently and we have a lot of life going on.
So I know when I create trainings, I need to be sure there's some adaptability there and it's feasible for me, the trainer, so that people can [00:10:00] engage in these things in a pace and in a way that is doable for them. And lastly we want it to be agency centered. So like there's some self control there. Where people can be centered in their own experiences to allow them to choose what's best for them. So this is something I teach a lot.
When I talk about trauma informed space, holding and facilitation is we need to learn, and this very much applies to any type of coaching or consulting, how to center people in their own experiences rather than ours. I have been a coach for about eight years and I've never met a coach who hasn't coached themselves through the thing they're coaching others through.
I've done it. My coaches have done it. It's just a very natural phenomenon. But it's so easy, especially in a coaching relationship. We see the potential. We see the possibility we see the struggle. We know what's possible for that person. And it can be very easy to then try to center our client in our experience. [00:11:00] Rather than allowing them to have their own.
And what happens is that we blur expectations. We then create unrealistic expectations for our client because we're setting them up for failure because we're centering them in our experience rather than their own experience, we can have similar lived experiences, but we're going to have a different pace.
We're going to have a different outcome. We're going to make different choices. We can still have mutual aid and peer support, but we need to learn to center people in their own experiences. And when we infuse consent and choice into how we coach, how we communicate, how we build relationships, how we design everything we do. When we create that culture of consent we're able for people to show up in a way to choose what's best for them. And we are solid in ourselves as trauma-informed insert whatever your profession is to allow that to be because we are allowing for self-determination. We're still showing up strong and confident and [00:12:00] competent in our role. While still allowing the other person to have their own experience.
And that can be really tricky. And that's why making sure you have really good peer support and supervision and mentorship is so key so that you can debrief and talk and get feedback on these different, especially if you're doing any type of one-on-one work. So in episode 26 about consent, if you haven't listened to it, please do. I shared some like contrast.
I love being able to look at like, okay, what does choice look like or feel like, what does non choice look like or feel like? So I like to provide these kind of compare contrast. So when we look at a space, we look at a trauma informed leader. They're infusing choice because there is adaptable frameworks or adaptable methods.
There's some adaptable, there's clearly like a structure. I'm not saying it has to be loosey goosey, a free for all. But there is some flexibility, adaptability it's not rigid or constrictive. When there was ever rigidity [00:13:00] constriction. Like a lack then choice is not there. When there's adaptability, flexibility, invitation, then choice is present. One of the big things I see a lot and I would love to see more of is if you were doing any type of group activity, maybe it's a LinkedIn live. Maybe it's a course, a webinar, a workshop, a group coaching program, whatever it may be. Are you being super clear on the expectations of the participants signing up to engage? What is the participation expectation?
What's the engagement expectation. If it's a virtual, do I have to have my camera on or off? Do I have to answer your questions? Do I have to post about it? What is the expectation of me? I want to know all of that. I need a lot of clarity. I want to know exactly what those things are before I sign up so I can make an informed decision. If I have to sign up for say a six week course and the expectation is for [00:14:00] me to be actively participating video on, you know, all these different things. That's a lot of energy and I need to know that before I sign up so that I have the capacity to actually complete those expectations. Again, Pause here, if you're worried, like, oh my gosh, but I really need. X Y and Z.
Absolutely. If you need people to participate, if participation is mandatory, if anything is mandatory. Be transparent and clear so that people know that and that you're consistently reminding them of that. So they can make an informed decision. When there's options, there's choice available when things are mandatory there's not as much choice available, but as long as they're making informed Consent and choice to be there, then you're allowing for that.
But if you don't tell people anything, how are they to know. And then it can catch people off guard and then it can hinder or disconnect people from trust.
[00:15:00] Are your programs, is your website, is your anything you're doing our modifications available. A great example is if you have an email list and this is becoming the norm. And also I think it's the expectation. I heard things that like, It's best practice. And also a lot of countries, a lot of states, like you have to have an unsubscribe.
How can I opt out of getting these emails? If there was not an opt-out, there would be no choice. But when I get an email, I can scroll to the bottom and I can choose. Do I want to stay subscribe to this email or do I want to unsubscribe? A great example of opt-out availability. When there's lack of access, are we considering accessibility in everything we do?
And again, sometimes accessibility is not an option and that's okay. It's just making sure we're clearly and transparently communicating that for informed consent. We're thinking of accessibility is our language accessible? Are we again using jargon or high level words? Are we [00:16:00] using too much? Are graphics are the color choices.
All those things are those accessible. Are we offering accommodations when possible or feasible for us? I am always learning about accessibility and something I've learned over the years is to create and make sure I'm using programs and online software that offers captions and transcripts, and that you can control how fast or how slow you listen to things. I know podcasts, especially apple podcasts just allowed for transcriptions to be available, which is a great accessibility and accommodation option. One of my favorite things to do is if I'm providing or selling a service or a training.
I am in some sort of application or intake making sure there is space for people to share what accommodations they need. And I'm also asking specific questions so that I can be aware and they are also aware that I'm aware and then we're working together to collaborate. So that choice and [00:17:00] consent can be present.
When expectations are not clear when there are not clear expectations of you, the facilitator, the leader, the person, the client, the group, whomever, if there are not clear expectations, It's going to be confusing and all those what ifs pop up. And it could be a lack of choice present .When we limit communication pathways choice is usually also limited. So we want to look at clear expectations, clear as kind language. Making sure again, I said this in episode 26, about consent. But we have to remember just because you've said it a lot. Doesn't mean they've heard you a lot. So being transparent, predictable repetitious, consistent, those things are really important. And then also don't swing to that extreme where you're just like overwhelming and flooding people.
So finding that happy medium.
Okay. I again, like when I talked about consent, I also like to give examples of , what does choice sound like in real life? A reminder, I'm sharing what the sound's [00:18:00] like when I say it in my own voice, I'm not expecting you to sound like me. I don't want you to sound like me. Find your own voice, find your own way of offering choice and options.
I would love to hear what the sounds like for you. Please share that with me, LinkedIn, Instagram email, let me know, but I just want to give a few examples of what this may sound like in a variety of contexts. So here we go. So if this is a meditation, maybe I'm taking a pause before a meeting or inviting people in to do some sort of guided intention practice, maybe you're a yoga teacher choice may sound like you can close your eyes or keep them open, whatever feels safe or comfortable for you. You can choose to have your video on or off on the zoom call. Move your body in a way that feels good for you right now. You always have permission to honor yourself. Only share what you feel called to share today. What would help you feel? Insert, whatever it is right now. What kind of [00:19:00] support would you like today? What can you give yourself permission to do be feel or say today? So again, you're allowing for choice that's doable for you and for them you're allowing when there is choice then we can consent to it. And you're opening pathways of communications. So again that there is clarity, there's transparency and trust has the availabilityto be built.. When we do this we're then able to promote co-creation and collaboration, which is a power sharing foundation for relationship building it removes points of authority or hierarchy. It's creating really clear expectations. When we're doing that, we're building stronger foundations of trust and safety, and we all know what's possible when we have that being built.
If I know I'm going into a coaching program or a training or, you know, even like going to the dentist, whatever it may be. If I know what's expected. If I know what's going on, if there's clear, transparent communications, I'm more likely to feel a felt [00:20:00] sense of safety. And you know what? I'm going to go back to that dentist. I'm going to go back to that coach. I'm going to go back to that product. I'm going to feel more engaged. I'm going to feel more supported. My outcomes are going to be stronger. My engagement outcomes, all of these things are all incredible things we all probably want. And when we look back at the roots of it, it's because trust was built through consent and choice. So a lot of really important points here.
We talk about it a lot, but how much are we actually knowing how to do it? And that's what trauma-informed care is all about creating this cohesive, comprehensive approach that can be laid over everything you're already doing. I think that's one of the big misconceptions is it trauma informed care is this like whole new way of doing things and like, oh, we get this like heavy eye roll.
Like, oh no. Another thing to do when really it's not that complicated. It's actually giving you the gift of cohesion to apply to what you're already doing and not just apply it, but strengthen it. And for others and yourself. So many more benefits of [00:21:00] trauma-informed care we uncover as we move through this podcast. Again, Consent and choice you hear me talk about it a lot. You hear my guests talking about it a lot because it's part of a trauma informed care approach. Which is a part of co-creating a trauma informed future. I'm excited to share more about this as we move through this season and future seasons to come, I would love to hear from you how this lands and, you know, just a gentle reminder. It's so helpful for people who have podcasts for you to rate and review.
I know you hear it a lot. If you're a podcast listener, and I know for me, sometimes I just like glaze my eyes, and I forget, or I have like every good intention to rate and review every podcast I love. And then I just like, don't do it. Because how human and me, I get busy or I overthink it or whatever, but I just want to gently remind you if you feel called, if you're enjoying this podcast, if you're finding it helpful, please very quickly leave a rating and review.
Hopefully it's positive. I'd love to hear from you. It helps increase visibility for this podcast and for this approach and for [00:22:00] people who may be looking for this, but they didn't know what to exist and they didn't have the words. This helps increase the visibility for people to access it. What I've been hearing is people are benefiting from these conversations and being able to go deeper into the context and the nuance of things so greatly appreciate it. And I will talk to you soon in the meantime, take good care.
