To be honest, I have been too much.
I’ve expended too much energy worrying about what other women are thinking of me. I have given too much power to other women out of shame and fear. I have spent too much time attempting to control and manage situations to please others.
After leading an amazing retreat this weekend and having a whirlwind Monday, I found myself saying out loud to a friend last night, “I’m worried I’m being too much”
My friend (who I call my life sponsor) looked me in the eye and laid this truth down before me.
You are not too much. Everyone stops because of fear but not you; you break right through it. But you don’t bust through fear for your own sake- you grab everyone’s hand and bring them with you. It’s not too much, it’s exactly what we need. If that’s what it takes then keep being too much.
And you know what? She’s right.
She was the mirror I needed to bring me back to see the reflection of this reality. Some days I’m all rebel hearted, IDGAF, unapologetically me. And other days I’m caught up in my head, overthinking and getting stuck in the people pleasing BS.
I’ve spent most of my life vacillating between not enough and too much. So much heart work and practice and I know deep within me I’m not too much and I am beyond enough. But I’m also human and life and people can trigger that old narrative to weave a new story sometimes.
I think back to this weekend where I stood on the edge of the dock at the Minnesota lake house where I was leading a retreat. No filter, no coffee - just sleepy eyes, a rising sun and a fullness of feeling alive and on purpose. I look at this face and into my own eyes and I see how much I am.
So much hard work. So much passion. So much gratitude. So much soul. So much ME.
You can always be a mirror for another human to help them see their truths.
Allow me to be a mirror for you today. You are not too much.
No one is thinking that much about you and if they are- it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with you.
And friends you can always, always begin again.